I have been in my job - student youth worker of a Baptist Church - for one year today. What a joy. What a celebration.


If you’ve read my blog post, 'settled', or know me outside of the internet, you’ll know that I found the beginnings really difficult. Back in September when I’d remove myself from the office to have a private-cry in the bathroom because I just didn’t know if I could do it anymore, the idea of writing this ‘first anniversary’ blog post seemed impossible. However, I had some really good ‘cheerleaders’ around me, and a deep knowledge that this is where I’m meant to be, so this is where I’ll stay, and I’m very glad that I did.


I’ve been reflecting on the highlights and the lowlights of the past year; a difficult blog post to write because the highlights are so specific to an individual I’ve worked with, and it doesn’t feel right to use that special moment with a young person as content, and the lowlights are still slowly but surely working themselves out, and are not yet ready to be written out into something for more than just ‘the nearest and dearest’ to see. Regardless, here are the highlights of my first year, albeit sometimes a little vague.

HIGHLIGHTS

Growing in confidence
The area I most wanted to grow in over this year was confidence. I knew I was capable of leading from the stage, and meeting new young people, but I was just too scared to do it. I worried about getting it wrong so I avoided it. I think, and I hope, now when I’m doing All Age Talks from the front of Church, and I’m going into schools, I not only feel so much more confident than I did last year, but I look confident too. The best piece of advice I’ve ever been given in the youth-work-world is ‘fake it until you make it’. I’ve learnt that this doesn’t include when you feel mentally exhausted and like you’ve got to put on a happy mask, but in situations you don't feel confident, and you’re put into a new situation, fake it until you make it. Stride into it as if you know what you’re doing, and as if you’ve done it a billion times before, and eventually even you’ll start to believe it.

Youth House Group
In September I launched a Youth House Group, and I think it’s my favourite group out of the four that I’m involved in. It feels like something I’ve 'birthed', so I suppose there’s an ownership about it, but I also really have a heart for discipleship. I’m all about seeing young people experience God. To go from just a 1 in faith, to a 2, or maybe a 7 to an 8. I’m also really passionate about talking about the awkward conversations church sometimes likes to shy away from, as well as the everyday-teenager issues. I feel that Youth House Group really does this. I’m very relational and conversational in my youth work, which is the essence of Youth House Group. There are quite a few highlights of the year that comes inside Youth House Group; doing Youth Alpha, getting to know the young people better, using my creativity and passion of writing as I make the sessions.

Affirmation
A couple of months ago, one Sunday morning, we were looking at Psalm 25 with the young people and we asked them to rewrite it in a modern-day version inspired by something that means a lot to them, or something that protects them. Although arguably blasphemous (blame the resource book, not me) it brought tears to my eyes and has to be one of the highlights of this year. There's been lots of times throughout this year where I've felt really encouraged, loved and affirmed. The alternative Psalm 25 below sums up the love I've felt over the last year. 

​Toddler Group
A funny one to be on the list, since children’s work isn’t in my job title and it’s not at all my calling. I’ve learnt so much from the toddlers, from their parents, and the other volunteers. Even though the time I spend at Toddler Group each week count towards my weekly hours, it feels like a break. I come to toddler group and sit with a three year old, squeezing and rolling play-dough, and having a conversation about sequin dinosaurs.

Pilgrimage
The church I work in holds a ‘prayer space’ on the first Wednesday evening of every month, and over the last year I’ve facilitated a couple. My favourite one was based around a pilgrimage in which, around the room, we went over mountains, past a stream, through a forest and finished at a village. I was pleased with how it looked, and I was pleased that it achieved what it was meant to; enable people to reflect, rest and journey.

Girls Support Girls
As I said before, I’m passionate about the awkward conversations churches often shy away from. Awkward conversations with young people don’t phase me, and I think it’s because I wasn’t taught a lot of sex/relationship/menstruation/what-the-heck-is-happening-education, drugs, alcohol, at school or at youth groups. So, around September, I decided to make an addition to the women’s toilets, pictured below. It’s a strange highlight, but it’s something I’m proud of doing because I’m so ready to end period-poverty, and end the taboo around periods. It feels like something so massively outside of my job role, yet also something so integral to it. It’s also really funny when twelve year olds come up to me at Youth Cafe saying “guess what we’ve just found in the toilets?!” And giggly hand me a tampon, for me to say “ah you found them! Yeah I put them there!”

The lowlights

Health
Mental health wobbles made worse by not using the people around me that love me and care for me, not letting people in, overloading myself.... although, it's through these lowlights that lessons have been learnt and I've felt so incredibly wrapped up in people's love, and felt the abundance of God's grace. 

I was ill for a week in February, and being a person that rarely gets ill, it sucked. To be fair, I journaled through the week and it makes quite a comical read in hindsight.
Long story short, I drove 60 miles to uni, was almost sick in a lecture, ran out, had a lie-down on a sofa in the common room at uni whilst I decided if I was okay enough to stay, cried down the phone to a friend/work-colleauge, saying I don’t want to let anyone down and that I felt so ill. Drove 60 miles home, stopping for mints and malt loaf at a service station as it was the only thing I could stomach, slept the rest of the day. Wednesday I mainly slept, watched a bit of Netflix, and when I realised I had run out of medicine and food, I cried as I put clothes over my pyjamas. Thursday, for some reason, I thought I was well enough to go back to work. I did toddler group, cried because I felt like I had let people down and was having a bit of a crisis that Church wouldn’t have hired me if they knew my struggles. Slept all of Friday. 

Wait, what am I doing here?
This question usually hits me on a random Sunday morning service. It’s just a niggle in my brain that I need to learn to switch off. I notice that I have come alone, and that I’m sat alone, and that in an hour or so I’ll go home alone. I notice that I’m tired, and then a couple more lies creep in, just for good measure.

The highlights of the year far outweigh the lowlights. I feel like I've been Youth Worker far longer than just 1 year, in the most wonderful and positive way. 
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The first academic year of my three-year-degree is over, and it is [almost] a year since I became a Student Youth Worker. What a year it's been. There have been struggles and triumphs, leaving people and meeting people, coming and going, celebrations and laments.

Usually at this time of year, I'm preparing to move onto something new, and I'm saying my goodbyes. In 2016, I left high school, in 2017 I left a youth work placement, and in 2018 I left a second youth placement, and Youth For Christ's gap year program, The Year Out. It feels strange that I'm not saying 'goodbye' to anyone or anything this year. It's a new feeling; I like it. 

The past year has been a season of process. I've learnt lessons from university, work placement, those around me and through scripture and spending time with God. However, I feel like there's so much more to learn. I feel that I'm learning, rather than have fully learnt. Here are a couple of those things:

1. Progress not perfection.
It's okay for something to be fine, rather than perfect. This year, I've had really good marks on my assignments; the lowest being 62% and the highest being 73%. Last term, I wasn't confident on my essay titles and, without really noticing or identifying what I was doing, I pressured myself, thinking the essays had to be perfect. I read through and read through what I had written, and it just made me think "this isn't good enough" even more, until I eventually realised that it's about progress, not perfection. Everything I do, create, make, lead, live, doesn't have to be perfect. 

2. Allow people to care.
Over the last year, and especially over the last month, I've felt so wrapped up in the arms of people's genuine care. People have supported me, opened the doors of their home to me, encouraged me, listened to me. Allowing people to care for you doesn't mean that you can't do it on your own, but sometimes it's easier, lighter, more joyful, if you pass things over to someone else.
I said to someone earlier this year, "I don't want to burden you" and they replied that they want to carry my burdens. I thought that was the most powerful and Jesus-like thing to say. 

3. Breathe
'What do you mean, you've learnt to breathe this year, Rebecca? How have you gone nineteen years without breathing?' 
When life is chaotic, sometimes I feel like I'm doing the day-to-day without breathing; without coming up for air. I do this job, tick it off the list, go there and have a meeting, make this, write that, plan a session, speak to her, cook this, clean that, walk there, meet them. Sleep. Repeat. This year I've learnt the power of coming up for air, of taking just a minute or two out to breathe. As you breathe steadily in and out, list five things you see around you, four things you physically can feel, three things you can hear, two things you can smell and one thing you can taste. Breathe. 

4. I am valuable for who I am, not what I do. 
I can create the best session plan, write the best essay, lead the best all-age talk, wash up all the cups and plates at Toddler Group, be really 'on it' at Youth Cafe. But that's not where my value lies. My value lies in who I am, not what I do. 

5. There's always tomorrow, and there's always more grace.
Very few things are so urgent that they can't wait until tomorrow. If you can't get everything done today, move it to tomorrow, where there'll still be grace. If everything is going wrong, wait for tomorrow, where there will be more grace. 

The words below are the lyrics to Hillsong's 'Never Alone'. I hope they bring light to you, I hope they speak truth over the lies that you're alone. 

I went to a barbecue this week with friends. It rained, of course it did, it’s British summer time, but that didn’t stop us from having a really great time. After we had all eaten, there was a small huddle of friends sat by the chiminea, toasting marshmallows. There was a bigger huddle around a small table, laughing as they played Bananagrams. Not taking part in either of the huddles, I stood to take it all in, and smiled.
By then end of the evening, there were twelve of us around a table that seats six, all playing Bananagrams, laughing, joking and definitely not cheating…
The evening had a community-feel to it, and I felt so content. It got me thinking about contentment, relationship and community. 

To be content has been my prayer recently. I’m not asking to be joyful everyday, but to be content with what I have, with where I am, and when the rain comes - literally and metaphorically.

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I think I’m most content when I have company, when I’m in community. I’m beginning to learn more and more that I’m such a relational person, I’m an extroverted-introvert. Although my ‘batteries are recharged’ by spending a couple of hours on my own, gathering my thoughts and resting, I’d rather be spending all the other hours with people. I don’t mind if we go out and do something, or we just ‘do life’ together, but I’m too relational to spend too much time alone.
About a month ago, I went to a colleague/friend’s house because I needed help with preparations for a Youth weekend away in the Summer. I ended up staying for the whole morning, and for lunch too - not working, but just chatting and 'being'. It was half-term, and it was one of the best days of the break. We didn’t really do anything, but just doing life another person brings me joy.


I think that’s the way that God made us to be: relational. We are relational beings because we are made in His image and He is relational. A perfect example of this is the trinity - the three persons of the trinity live in perfect relationship with one another.


God said it Himself, “it is not good for man to be alone” (Genesis 2:18). We often read this when preaching about singleness and marriage, but I think it’s just as an important message when it comes to community with one another. It is not good for us to be alone. We were made to be in relationship with one another. So let’s do it more often!


It’s a denominational stereotypical joke that Baptists are good at ‘Bring and Shares’. The Church I worship and work at regularly hold Bring and Share lunches, and there’s always plenty of food! I like to think that it’s not just food we’re bringing and sharing, it’s ourselves. It’s our heaviness and our joy. If you’ve read my blog post ‘Settled’, you’ll know that it wasn’t easy for me to find my feet. But I never feel as at home and part of a community, part of a family, more than when we all sit around tables to eat lunch with one another.

Mondays' are hopeful days. They're fresh starts. You can let go of the heaviness of the week before, breathe, and step forward into a new week of possibilities. 

I'm learning that it doesn't have to be a new week, a new academic year or a new calendar year to have a fresh start. 
I'm learning that if I've had a couple of bad days, I don't have to keep walking in darkness, waiting for the best time to have a fresh start. 
When everything is a bit darker, a bit heavier and takes more effort, when one thing goes wrong after the other, when I'm alone, I'm learning to breathe.
​I'm learning to stop, breathe, ask for help, and take some time out to practice mindfulness, or to create something for me, or to just simply rehydrate or go for a walk. I'm learning. 

Last week, I waked around with a rain cloud over my head for a couple of days. I could tick off all my 'warning signs of a mental health flop'. Looking back now that the sun is shining, I wonder whether, if I took a few minutes out once I realised it was raining, just by taking some time to breathe, I could have blown the cloud away. Maybe not completely, but maybe enough to see a bit of sun again.

In church, we often refer to ‘mountain top moments’ and ‘being in the valley’. If you’re not familiar with this language, being on the mountain top means to be having a really good experience. Perhaps you’re at a summer conference; the sun is shining, the worship is great, you feel the Holy Spirit in every seminar, you have a notebook full of notes from the talk, you’ve bought a load of books that you’re so excited to read, you think, “ah, this is so much better than what’s at home”.  You’re having a mountain top moment.
Being in the valley is the opposite. You can still experience God in the valley, but everything is darker, heavier and harder. Perhaps everything is going wrong, one thing after another, and although you know God is there, you don’t understand what He’s doing and that’s painful.

I think there’s a third ‘place’. I think this third place is one we’re most often at, but gets recognised and appreciated a lot less. This third place is ‘the path of the mundane’. It isn’t the spirit-filled youth event with lots of young people giving their lives to Jesus, but it’s also not when you’re running a youth event that has one problem after another, you’re burning out and can’t see God in the project anymore. The path isn’t always easy, sometimes it’s a bit rocky, a bit steep, sometimes there isn’t enough shade or it rains, but it’s fine. It’s the mundane. It’s the youth group that happens every week that you don’t see anything happening in. That’s not to say nothing is happening, or that it’s going badly, you’re just not seeing it. Or it’s the sermon you give, and you don’t get any response from it. Or it’s just your commute to work, your tidying, your preparing.

I wanted to be a youth worker since I was fourteen years old. I remember the day that I voiced this, and class-mates telling me that it wasn’t a proper job. When I imagined being a youth worker, it included the big events, constant conversation with young people and constantly seeing growth and change. It included only mountain-top moments. I never imagined making 4 mugs of hot chocolate every Sunday evening, or sitting at my desk trying to work out how to print on labels for an entire hour, (and then still getting it wrong). I didn’t imagine finishing youth at 9:30pm and then packing away for a further 45 minutes. None of this stuff is bad or unenjoyable. Okay, maybe the label-printing-mishap was unenjoyable. But it's just the mundane. I didn’t imagine God being in my mundane, because I didn’t imagine having a mundane.

There is so much beauty and so many blessings to be had on the path of the mundane, but it’s like we’re always focusing on the mountain top, desperate not to find ourselves in the valley, that we forget to appreciate the beauty and blessings.
I challenge you to write down three mundane blessings per day for the next week. Found a bargain in wilko? Had lunch out with a friend? Made a nice dinner? Slept well? Checked everything off your to-do list? Had a couple of regulars at your youth group? Had a word that might have been from God? Shared a sermon, made a little mistake, but all-in-all, it went alright? Write it down, recognise it and be thankful.

Imagine this:
You’re walking along on a path. It looks a bit like this:

Above you is the mountain top experience.
Below you is the valley
You’re walking along but your hands are covering your eyes so that you can't see. Little do you know, there are flowers growing out of the rocks beside you. There’s an army of ants working together, carrying leaves so much bigger than they are, just passing you now. The sun has just come out from the clouds. It’s a little steep and there's a big pile of rocks to stumble over, but it’ll get easier soon. Your friend has joined you and put their hand out with a cup of water and a chocolate biscuit. Oh look, a beautiful, big bird has just flown past!

But you’ve got your eyes closed, worried about being back in the valley and expecting the mountain top, that you’ve missed the blessings on the path of the mundane.

Within Church ministry, I think that there seems to be a perception that everyone loves their job all of the time; they settled immediately, they are always inspired and know what they’re doing, and are on fire for what they do. I look at Youth Leaders around me who all seem to know what they’re doing, until you sit down with them and hear that they are in part making it up as they go along. I go to conferences and weekends away, and the main speaker will stand up on stage, introduce themselves, tell the crowd what they do for a living, and it’s almost always followed by, “and I love it” or “and I have a passion for ___”. I don’t for one minute they doubt that they love or have passion for what they do, or think they should stand up and say, “my name is ____, I work for ____ and I cannot wait until my contract is up so I can leave”. However, I think it creates an idea that these big leaders have it all together and always love their job, when I’m sure that they have times of struggle too.

I started my new job as a Student Youth Worker in July, and I only now feel like I’m completely settled. That’s six months later. Perhaps this is normal, but I spent these six months thinking it wasn’t because people in ministry generally don’t openly share the rocky times they have. That’s why I want to share this blog post; firstly to share this big thing that’s been going on with me recently, but also to become more vulnerable, honest and authentic, and to change this perception that everyone in ministry has a smooth road.

I think I struggled in settling so much because I was experiencing so many differences as well as ups and downs in my personal life, and I just couldn’t fix anything. Friends that cheered me on through this asked what they could do to help, and my reply was always “nothing”. I just had to 'wait it out'. I knew I just had to wait it out because I knew this is where God wants me, so this is where I’ll stay.

Everyone at the Church was so lovely in welcoming me. Everyone seemed so excited to have a new youth worker and wanted to know when my university course was starting, if I’ve always lived in the area and generally how I’m doing. And six months on, everyone is just as kind; asking how the youth groups are going, asking if I need anything, asking how university is going. So there wasn’t a problem within the Church that could be instantly fixed with a meeting or telling someone to be kinder or not gossip or communicate better - none of these were problems I was facing. Nobody at the Church I work in should read this and think, “I could have done something more”. This isn’t a blog post to point fingers, since there’s nothing to point fingers at. Everyone did their best and more, and for that I’m truly grateful. 

I had got used to going to Church and it being like attending a big Christian conference every week; loud, coloured lights, base, a mainly millennial congregation of people who raise their hands during worship songs I loved. I moved from that to a Church that was the opposite in many ways. It just didn’t feel like home. I missed the Church I went to, I missed the young people I worked with and I missed my previous line manager line-managing me. 

The more I thought about how I still wasn’t settled, and I was just ‘fine’ rather than ‘happy’, the worse it felt. At one point it became an achievement if I hadn’t cried at work that day. But nobody could fix anything for me, and that’s what made it worse. Nobody could make it any better. Nobody was doing anything wrong. 

I’m now 100% settled, and I find myself telling anyone who will listen this joyful update. So what helped me settled, how did the change come about?…

Cheerleaders
I’m really thankful for the ‘cheerleaders’ I had over these months. 
In late September I met up with two youth leaders/friends/influences separately. I expected the first friend to affirm me and say things like, “I know that you can do this, it’s okay, I love you”. She didn’t. Instead she told me that I’ve got to make a decision about what I do soon and that I “can’t be a Jonah and just run away”. It sounds harsh, but it was the reality I needed to hear.
 I’m the kind of person to really remember words people say over me; good and bad. However, I don’t remember a thing the second friend told me. Not a word. I don’t think this makes it any less significant or helpful at the time because what I do remember is feeling peace, companionship and support, and I think that’s more important than the words that were shared. The continued support from these two people helped; to know that I had people who were for me, who would listen and would practically help me if they could really made the load lighter. 

I also met with a colleague, and I think that was the start of change. Although I had planned to, I never actually said how low I was feeling and how unsettled I was, instead we just chatted over lunch and got to know each other. I was honest about some of the things I was struggling with (like differences in churches and missing the old) but we never really dug deep into that. Without even knowing it, she’s been my biggest cheerleader; really looking after me in every way. That motherly support has given me a sense of belonging.  

Uni was a great cheerleader too. I had had a traumatic driving experience (a story for another day) and I came into uni the following day, already ready to give up. I went to my tutor’s office and had a cry, told her how unsettled I was and there and then she pencilled in a date to come and visit me and my line manager the following week. The fact that she/the university would travel the 166 mile round trip just for a short meeting really blew me away. 

I’m sure that in a couple of months, maybe years, I’ll look back and totally understand why I struggled. But for now, I’m happy in this warm feeling of being settled.

Reflecting on the last year fills me with many emotions; happiness, sadness, a sense of achievement, love, motivation, joyful, thankful, tired.

Travel
I went on holiday to Barcelona. We went on a boat trip, visited Sagrada Familia, walked along alas ramblas and visited Parc Guel which was my favourite. 
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 I really love road trips. Being in a car with someone for a long journey is one of my favourite things, and this year so many road-trips, whether for ‘pleasure’ or ‘business’…. Conventry, Bradford, Nottingham, Minehead, Weston Supermare, Sussex.

Saying “goodbye” and saying “hello”
The Goodbye’s
This year I had to say “goodbye” to some really amazing organisations/Churches. In my second year of college, I did A Levels alongside working with a local church, and a gap year program with Youth For Christ. It was the best year ever, I learnt so much and made so many friends. Saying goodbye to the Church I worked with and to YFC was a lowlight of the year, but as Winnie the Pooh says, “How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.”

I moved out of the family home and into a snug flat in the city-centre. I was living with a friend for the first 4 months, but sadly that didn’t work out, but those four months were some of the best of the year; watching movies together, cooking, going on day trips, comforting etc other and eating too much ice cream. They were some of the best memories my new home has seen. Just because they’re over now, doesn’t make them any less special. 


The Hello’s
I started university! I've made lots of friends there, which part of me didn't expect to. Me and a friend go to Mc Donalds every week we're at uni, and have 'mates-dates', putting the world to right and properly catching up, whilst still really getting to know each other. 
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I started a new job! It’s not just any job, but *the* job I’ve wanted since I was about fourteen. A few weeks ago I was speaking to someone I went to school with. Catching up on the past few years, he asked what I’m doing now. In reply to my answer, he said, “wow that’s amazing, that’s what you’ve always wanted to do”.

Stepping Out
There have been multiple times over this year that I feel like I’ve stepped out of my comfort zone.
In July I shared a testimony of how my year has gone at YFC’s End of Year Showcase, a time where line managers, colleagues and family members come to celebrate all that’s happened on The Year Out.

Also in July, after the encouragement from my friends, I led little bits on stage at Spree, in a venue of around fifty young people. I led reflections, prayers and a game, and it felt brilliant, I loved it!

In August I did the catering for the group I went with to Soul Survivor. Having not got a GCSE in maths and having dyscalculia, I found it challenging. I can’t get my head around numbers sometimes, which made quantities and timings quite hard. Less than a week ago, I had failed my A Levels, so I was already feeling pretty stupid. Doing the catering isn’t something I’d do again, but I’m proud of myself that I did do it, and I’m thankful for the help and encouragement that I had during. I also danced, something I'm usually not confident enough to do, and went on a Total Wipeout style inflatable 'thing', which took a lot of confidence (and convincing)!

Finally, in October, I shared my testimony for the first time ever at The Noise, a yearly youth mission event. 
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You can read more about Soul Survivor here
And you can read more about The Noise here

Achievements
This year, I’ve been in Youth and Children’s Work magazine three times!

I came runner up in Premier’s Digital awards as Young Blogger of the Year.
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Also blog related, I got the opportunity to interview David Gibbs, who is one of my favourite influencers on YouTube. You can check it out here. 

Youth Work 
One of the highlights this year has been the launch of Lightbox, a Worcester-based, drop-in Youth Cafe. Having been a little part of the planning, to then see it come to life is really amazing. I think it's really growing my confidence too. In February, I spent the day with two other leaders setting things up, building, painting, unboxing, ready for the launch the following month. This day was a highlight, which may seem strange - we really did just build, paint and unbox. But at the time I was feeling really low and stressed about what to do the following academic year. It was what I really needed - productivity, busyness and company. 

I went on lots of youth trips too, like Hillsong and a wander around London, a trampoline park, and Soul Survivor. ​

In September I launched Youth House Group, which has become my favourite group that I run. We look at more topical series, like 'My Big Fat Mouth' which looked at lying, gossip and criticism. I really like the atmosphere and the vision of the group. 

The Lowlights
Don’t let social media, blogs and vlogs fool you. Just because someone posts a highlights reel on their Facebook, doesn’t mean they didn’t have any lowlights of the year. Just because someone’s instagram feed is full of engagement photos, new house, pictures of going out with friends, multiple holidays, doesn’t mean they had no struggles throughout the year. 


- I didn’t get the A Level results I expected, and got a U in one of them
- I’ve felt lonely and have struggled in some friendships
- I’ve struggled with my mental health. But as the saying goes, “it does not matter how slowly you go, as long as you do not stop”
- I got diagnosed with PCOS - look it up, it deserves more awareness and for the stigma of women’s health to go.

New Year Resolutions 
I haven’t done any New Year Resolutions this year. A friend posted a quote on her Instagram story, which says it better than I can:
“You don’t need replacing every year. The calendar is just another human invention. Don’t feel guilty about not dieting or exercising yourself into a temporary new form. Just be kind to yourself. Get to know the old you. Don’t throw yourself away like another piece of plastic trash. You are everything as you already are”.
I guess I have goals that I am continually working on, but I haven’t got a list of things that I must achieve/start doing/stop doing. I’d like to drink more water, continue to grow in self-confidence and body positivity, and I’d like to be more thankful and appreciative of the things around me. It’s a growing process, rather than, as this quote says, throwing away the old like a piece of plastic trash. 

Thank you for reading, and for your support throughout this year. 
What were your highlights and lowlights? 

Term One has come to an end at Uni, and I am exhausted. 


For those who don’t know, I’m doing a full time degree at  MCYM St Johns College in Nottingham, studying Youth, Communities and Theology. I also work part-time as Student Youth Worker at a Baptist Church in the West Middlands. So I travel to Nottingham every other week for lectures, I do essays and work for my portfolio during the week as well as 14 hours per week as Youth Worker. This involves session planning, meetings, mentoring, youth house group, drop in youth cafe and toddler group. I've learnt a lot since starting at MCYM...

I’ve learn academic things; I could list about 10 values and principles of youth work, referencing three different people. I can give you a SWOT (strengths, weaknesses, opportunities and Threats) analysis of my work places’ safeguarding policy. I could tell you a couple of things about Corinthians 12:12-23.

I’ve learnt geographical and practical things, like that Nottingham is far away, that the best time to set off is 7am, and that the best service station to stop off at is Tamworth (on the way to Nottingham) and Hopward (on the way home). I’ve not yet learnt how to pronounce one of the roads I use though: Brian Clough Way. Is it 'Clough' like through, cough, thought or cloud? You’ve got to love the English language..

I’ve learnt a lot of personal things:
I’ve learnt that I am a person who can achieve things. One of my lecturers, Dr Charlotte Naylor Davis, said, “you’ve got to remind yourself that you are a person who can achieve things” in a Biblical Studies lecture. She was talking about how, if we’re struggling to write our essay, then go on a run, bake a cake, do anything that reminds us that we are people who can achieve things. I’ve learnt this term that I cannot write an essay before 2pm. At the beginning, I’d sit starring at a blank screen all morning, getting more and more upset and frustrated that I couldn’t think of what to write. I’d take a lunch break feeling so unachieved and incapable that I’d find it so hard to start again after lunch. Once I reminded myself that I am a person who can achieve things, I began doing something else enjoyable and productive in the morning, like yoga, youth session planning, watching a sermon and taking notes, going to the library. Then I’ll have some lunch and get started on my essay or portfolio work, continuing on until 6pm, when I’ll have some dinner, and then possibly continue on, or at least write some ideas that are still flowing, for an hour after dinner. That’s just how I work. Based on the way A Level results day went, I thought I wouldn’t understand any of my lectures and that I wouldn’t be able to do work well. On the contrary, in one of my first lectures I had, a lecturer said my answer was “profound”. That was a massive confidence booster! 

I’ve also learnt two areas that I need to work on:
Saying “no”. It doesn’t matter what it is, if I’m free I’ll most likely say “yes” to whatever you’ve asked me to do, which is probably why I’m so tired. I’ve learnt that I’m the kind of person that works late, that likes to get everything done well before deadlines, that fills up her days and can’t say “no”. I’m taking leave in the New Year and I can’t express how excited I am to sleep, watch Netflix, make things, bake things, go for a walk along the river, go to a garden centre. 
I’ve also learnt that I’m terrible at meetings. I generally forget what was said in a meeting - I need to remember to take notes. I’ve also realised that I don’t make a lot of input. I’m quite a slow processor, so when someone chips in with an idea, I’ve heard it but I’m still thinking about exactly what they’re saying, about what I think, and then I’m crafting a response in my head that actually makes sense. By this time we’re on to the answer, or another idea. I think, as well as being slow at processing what people are saying, it’s because of a lack of confidence. I’m scared that I’ll say something stupid, or that doesn’t make sense, or I’ll give an idea that nobody likes. I was in a meeting a few weeks ago about the future of a youth group I co-lead, and on my phone I had about three or four ideas. How many did I actually share? 0.

So, all in all it’s been a good first term. I’m looking forward to starting again in January, right after I have a lovely Christmas and a long sleep.